Through the Looking Glass
after the eponymous tale by L. Carroll
Part Two
And so, on the garden path walking towards Alice was the Black Queen herself.
I think I'll go and meet her!
I think I'll go not towards her but away from her. Maybe then I'll manage to meet her.
Where do you come from? And where are you going? Look up, speak nicely, and don't twiddle your fingers all the time.
It's time for you to answer now, and don't forget to say "your Majesty".
I only... wanted to... see what the garden was like, your Majesty.
Is this a garden? I've seen such gardens compared with which this would be a wilderness.
And I thought I'd try and find my way to the top of that hill.
Is this a hill? I've seen such hills compared with which this would be a valley.
But... no! A hill can't be a valley, you know. That would be nonsense!
Is it nonsense?! I've heard nonsense, compared with which that would be as sensible as a dictionary!
I declare it's marked out just like a large chessboard! And there are the chess pieces! Oh!... Oh-oh-oh, how interesting!
How I wish... that I might join... this game. I wouldn't mind being a Pawn, though of course I should like to be a Queen, best.
That's easily managed. You can be the White Queen's Pawn, and you're in the Second Square to begin with: when you get to the Eighth Square you'll be a Queen.
A pawn goes two squares in its first move, you know. So you'll go very quickly through the Third Square—by railway, I should think.
In the Fourth Square you'll meet Tweedledum and Tweedledee.
The Fifth is mostly water.
The Sixth belongs to Humpty Dumpty.
But you make no remark? - I—I didn't know I had to make one.
You should have said, "It's extremely kind of you to tell me all this".
However, we'll suppose it said. The Seventh Square is all forest — however, a Knight on a horse will show you the way.
And in the Eighth Square we shall be Queens together, and it's all feasting and fun!
Faster! Faster!
- Is it still far? - We passed 'still' a minute ago. Faster!
- You may rest a little now. - Why, I do believe we've been under this tree the whole time!
But of course, what did you expect?
Well, in our country, if you ran very fast for a long time you'd generally get to somewhere else.
A slow sort of country! Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place.
If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that! Let's run!
I'm quite content to stay here — only I am so hot and thirsty!
That can easily be helped. Have a biscuit?
Alice thought it would not be civil to say "No", although the biscuit was very dry, and she almost choked.
While you're refreshing yourself, I shall go. Keep your head up, turn out your toes as you walk — and remember who you are!
Good-bye!
Oh, what's that down there? Just like a swarm of bees!
Of course, they were not bees. In fact, these were elephants, as Alice very soon confirmed.
Though the idea quite took her breath away at first.
What fun! When they ask me at home how well I liked my walk, I shall say — "Oh, I liked it well enough — only it was so dusty and hot, and the elephants did tease so!"
Then Alice remembered that she was a Pawn and had to make a move.
Tickets, please! And where's your ticket, child?
Don't keep him waiting, child! Do you know how much his time is worth? Why, a thousand pounds a minute!
I'm afraid I haven't got one. There wasn't a ticket-office where I got on.
There wasn't room for one. Do you know how much the land there is worth? Why, a thousand pounds an inch!
You should have bought one from the engine-driver.
The man that drives the engine. Do you know how much train's smoke alone is worth? Why, a thousand pounds a puff!
Then there's no use in speaking.
And, to Alice's great surprise, everybody thought in chorus:
Better say nothing at all. Do you know how much language is worth? A thousand pounds a word!
I hope you understand what thinking in chorus means — for I must confess that I don't.
You're travelling the wrong way.
Oh, what funny river-horse-flies! How interesting, where are they flying to?
And that is, probably, a baobab-fly...
But then Alice remembered she was already on the Fourth Line, and it was time to move on.
To the House of Tweedledum To the House of Tweedledee
I hear you saying: "like fairy-tale living" But judge for yourselves: is that easily lived?
You can't do a thing here without being cautious, Because of uncertainly and of obscurity, And lack of knowledge and unpleasantness...
Oh, it's so complicated! And that's where the fun is! You can't take one step here without taking care.
How funny and strange are the rules in this story -
Here everything's different, It's all somewhat "off".
Wherever you look here, You find only riddles!
Wherever you look, yes, wherever you look here, You'll find a big mess.